A 365 to 40 Holiday, Epilogue: How Do You Measure A Year In The Life?

It's quite the question, isn't it? And although this song offers up some pretty wonderful metrics, it's measured in so many more ways than daylights, sunsets, midnights, cups of coffee, inches, miles, laughter and strife. As the sun begins to set on 2010, literally, and I get ready to ring in a new year with friends and family, I'm thinking about the wonders this past year brought to me, and the immense and wonderful changes in my life since the calendar turned.

I wasn't particularly introspective about my life last year, but, I had made myself some promises that midnight, promises that I think I've kept. First and foremost, to be good to myself, and to love myself, with all my imperfections and moments of glory. I can't love anybody else unless I can do that first, and I think this year brought me as close as I've ever come. I'm not waiting around for someone to make my happiness; all year long, I was the major architect of everything that made me happy, made me fulfilled, brought me peace and clarity. And through this practice of finding the good, good came to me. In big ways and small, but it came.

My family, as always, was my foundation, my safe place, and I was able to play a role in my family's life this year that was so wonderful and special and such an honor for me, when I officiated the wedding ceremony, and legally married, my sister Colleen and her husband Darrin. One of the highlights of my life, not just my year. And a mere five days later, I missed them terribly as I embarked on the greatest adventure I've had thus far, my near month-long stay in Ireland. Ireland changed me for the better; a complete perspective reset. I came back stronger, and happy, and completely confident in the direction my life was going.

The other great thing that has taken root in my life this year is my yoga practice, and at the risk of sounding like the world's worst hippie, next to Ireland, nothing else has brought such clarity and focus and peace to my soul and my spirit as my time on the mat. After expressing an interest in beginning when I saw the positive changes it was making in another friend's life, he pointed me in the direction of a beginner class, and I haven't looked back. So, although I fully embraced it on my own, J pointed me in the right direction, and I thank him for that. Yoga helps bring me the freedom to be who I am, at this moment. It challenges me, it inspires me, it calms me completely. I am not a perfect yogi, but none of us are. There have been great changes in my physical practice since I started, and great changes in my mental state as well, evidenced by my reaction to the great Meringue Disaster of 2010. Realizing my recipe of choice for the cookie swap was failing miserably, I simply swept it all into the bin, and regrouped, without flapping, without tears, without thinking myself a failure. The plan B recipe ended up taking a prize.

My friends have also been my greatest champions, and I realized that after I returned home from Ireland, and saw how much they missed me, including ones I didn't expect to miss me much at all. They have seen me through great changes, and I love each and every one of them. We have helped each other through horrific patches of uncertainty and doubt, and celebrated simple joys. I love that I am spending tonight with the exact same people I spent last New Year's Eve with, no pressure, no drama, just each other. Some friends drifted out of my life for a time, and then back in, and as the year closes, I simply say this: decide. In or out. We have much to give each other, but I'm not putting my life on hold.

2011 is bringing new challenges, such as a graduate program, as well as TEACHING in two other graduate programs. I am nervous and excited and honored to be able to share my expertise with future educators.

Rather than send a million personal thank you's to everyone, I simply leave you with this:
May the next 525,600 minutes bring you joy, and peace, teach you great lessons and find you strength. Most of all, may it bring you love.

Happy New Year. 2011, I'm ready.

Rent, Original Broadway Cast

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This Is Your Hometown...

Went from movie and dinner with a friend to Bud Light at the Elks. As I was driving home, this was the song that played in my head.

Son, take a good look around, this is your hometown.

I Will Hold On Hope...

The lyrics in this one are simply incredible. This whole album, really.

One of many I could have posted, but this one, I'm singing...

"Take the spade from my hands and fill in the holes you've made..."

Thistle and Weeds - Mumford and Sons

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I've Never Had To Knock On Wood

Tonight is the last night of the Hometown Throwdown, an event that I've boycotted for most years. However, since Dickie and the boys redeemed themselves with the "2000 Miles" cover and Norwood-heavy video, their sins have been forgiven, and my friend and I are trekking in to see the show. However, I want to go to yoga first, but he wants to go early, so I may just end up meeting him at the show. I have other things I want to do today, and yoga makes me happy.

At any rate, it should be a fun night. Dust off the old Docs (good for all the snow), and stomp around the House of Blues.

The Impression That I Get - The Mighty Mighty Bosstones

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A Bag of Songs And A Heavy Heart

(A repost, but a worthy one. This song still gives me chills. Just felt like listening to it tonight.)

It's incredible. Not listening to much commercial radio these days, I have no idea if this woman is making a name for herself here in the States, but apparently, she's huge in the UK. I can see why. She's got that unbelievable golden era of female R&B singers; I'm sure she listened to more than her share of Dusty Springfield, Martha Reeves and the Vandellas, Ronettes, and Supremes (or, at least her producer did). She's got the sound down solid, with some modern flair, and it's a "purer" feel to it than Amy Winehouse, who married the sound to booze and drugs and sex. Duffy keeps it true to the genre. Love and betrayal and longing.

I'm totally digging on this album. I even changed my ringtone on my phone to another song from this--Mercy. Which makes me conjure up images of go-go dancers in white patent leather boots and psychedelic patterned dresses on a platform above a hundred grooving kids. I wonder if I can pull off the flipped hair and the pale lipstick?

"I'll move to Rockferry tomorrow,
and I'll build my house, baby, with sorrow,
I'll leave my shadow to fall behind,
And I wouldn't write to you, 'cuz I'm not that kind..."

That last line always makes me wonder about what she means by "kind": that kind of girl, or just kind in general? Either way, it's a killer close.


Rockferry - Duffy

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It Snowed (Well, It's Snowing)

We're all recovering from Christmas today. It was a lovely day here, and my entire family went in together and bought me a wine refrigerator, so yes, there will always be wine here now.

The weather is also forcing us to recover from the holidays at home, as it is currently the beginnings of a blizzard out there. So, a little football on the couch (go Pats, division champions!), a little nap on said couch, some wine and snacks, and a pot of sauce on the stove. I'm ready for the long haul. It's also vacation week, so there's no rush to get out of the house, either. One day off from a White Christmas, but since a storm like this would have effectively canceled Christmas, it's ok.

Enjoy. Stay warm. See you tomorrow after we shovel out!

It Snowed - Meaghan Smith

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A 365 to 40 Holiday, Day 25: Just Like The Ones I Used To Know

May your days be merry and bright...
Happy Christmas :)

White Christmas - Bing Crosby

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A 365 to 40 Holiday, Day 24: It Was Christmas Eve, Babe...

Are you really surprised that this is today's choice? It's Christmas Eve, babe, and although I'm certainly NOT in the drunk tank, this is still the only song I could possibly post today. I've written about this song many times, so you all know it's emotional pull on my heart. The shocker about the song THIS year is that it has not made me cry once. There's still time, though ;)

I am off today to complete an errand that in my wildest dreams, I never thought I'd have to complete. Let's just say, this economy has hit some really talented people really hard, and sometimes a master's degree and 17 years experience still won't find you a job or presents for your kids. But, I was humbled by the generosity of my colleagues, and I'm off to hopefully help a little.

There will be one more song tomorrow morning, a lovely little ditty for you to drink your coffee and open presents to. I hope, as always, that you are surrounded by people you love and who love you back as you do those things.

Peace on Earth, peace to all of you.
Much, much love,
Courtney...

Fairytale of New York - The Pogues

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A 365 to 40 Holiday, Day 23: They're Singing Deck The Halls, But It's Not Like Christmas At All

Tear.jerker. There aren't many modern Christmas songs out there better than this one.

I'm sure there are folks out there who think that Darlene Love's version cannot be surpassed, but I disagree. Bono and the boys take all the desparation and longing and heartbreak and pour it out into the snow for you. He's always been able to do that, even when he's been on his Kind of the D-Bags trips. This song just makes you YEARN. Hard core, down to your toes and the depths of your soul. I could talk about what I think about when I hear this tune, but I'm not in that sharing of a mood today. However, listen to him at the end: "BABY, please come home, BABY, please come home..." Please. Whoever you are...


Christmas (Baby Please Come Home) - U2

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A 365 to 40 Holiday, Day 22: 'Cause It Is My Favorite Holiday...

This one is for yellojkt.

There are years where I feel like the girl singing this song, and then there are years I'm embracing the spirit. And although that "Christmas magic" has never hit me in the grocery store, I love this song, and this story, and the romantic hope about which she sings.

Christmas Wrapping - The Waitresses

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A 365 to 40 Holiday, Day 21: My God In Heaven, Now I'm Acting Like I'm Seven

This song stops me dead in my tracks, most days. And if I'm alone, in my car, trying to sing along, I usually make myself cry. There is something about the bridge, and the round at the end, that just swirls up so much emotion for me, I get goose bumps.

This is another one that came to me through the magic of the Gap in-store holiday tape.
I thought briefly that it was Cat Stevens (I know...). I do adore it, though.

"As if a cold and frozen soul is warmed to love by love's own hand,
so goes a prayer that for a day,
peace on Earth,
and good will to men..."

Christmas - Blues Traveler

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A 365 to 40 Holiday, Day 20: Throw Your Arms Around The World

As a young teenager, I didn't know a lot about British Pop, until this video. I sat in front of MTV for hours waiting for it to come on, and scanned the radio dial to the annoyance of everyone in a 5 mile radius to hear this. I had the 45 single (unfortunately lost to the ages) as well. I was obsessed with everything about this song, and video. I still can't identify EVERYONE in the clip, but I've made significant headway since then.

Anyone who doesn't like this song can just stick their head in the sand for today. This is one of my top 5 Christmas songs EVER. There's nothing I don't love about it.





Do They Know It's Christmas? - Band Aid

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A 365 to 40 Holiday, Day 19: Come, They Told Me...

Nothing but the big guns from here until Christmas, friends.

This song is legendary in my house. My mother grew up admiring Bing Crosby as a performer, and then I grew up watching her admire David Bowie. In 1977, when this was filmed, her world collided. The poignant/slightly creepy fact about this song was that the Christmas special it debuted on aired AFTER Bing had died. Such is the magic of television, I suppose. It would have to be magic to bring these two together. But this song is lovely; The Little Drummer Boy has long been one of my favorite carols, and the piece written for Bowie to sing makes me think of Lennon, in its simple wish for peace.

Peace On Earth/Little Drummer Boy - David Bowie and Bing Crosby

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A 365 to 40 Holiday, Day 18: Who Laughs This Way, Ho Ho Ho?

Anyone watching this video, that's who!!

When MJ first told me about this album, I was skeptical. Later, I read a comment about it attached to an online review that described it as "Christmas has been hijacked by hoboes". And whereas, I'll give that commenter that gritty vision, I will add a certain romantic charm to it, hoboes sitting around a campfire, a battered guitar, a sense of community. The entire Christmas album is just lovely, and I will feature another softer song from it later in the countdown.

This song, and the accompanying video, is Christmas hijacked by the polka, It makes me laugh out loud every time I see it. It will make you laugh, too, and tap your feet and want to get up and dance.

Only a year old, and it's made the pantheon, so that also speaks to the strength of this song. Plus, it's a great Christmas party song, and tonight is my friend Kristian's party, which is always a highlight of the season.

Must Be Santa - Bob Dylan

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A 365 to 40 Holiday, Day 17: Jingle Bells

A perennial family favorite, and one that's made the calendar before. But, I can't help this one; it's a classic rendition. Plus, it doesn't hurt that this one is featured in A Christmas Story, as Randy and Ralphie stand at the stairs, bouncing, waiting for their parents to come downstairs.

Jingle Bells - Bing Crosby and the Andrews Sisters

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A 365 to 40 Holiday, Day 16: You Better Be Good For Goodness Sake!

When the Boss tells you to watch out, you should listen... :)

In all seriousness, how do you not love the introduction to this song, asking Clarence if he's practiced so that he can get a new saxophone?

I have two Springsteen concert things I have to do before he dies. One is get a pit ticket. The second is see him sing this live. The former is infinitely more likely, but hey, a girl can dream. Isn't that what Christmas is all about?

Santa Claus Is Coming To Town - Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band

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A 365 to 40 Holiday, Day 15: A Happy Jolly Soul

Who doesn't love a little Wall of Sound at Christmas time?

Besides, the use of this song in Goodfellas makes it classic as well. The bar? After the Lufthansa heist? When they're all coming in with the furs and the caddies and DeNiro goes ape shit? Epic.

Plus, you can't beat Ronnie Spector's voice with a stick. She kills. Get your groove on with this one.

Frosty the Snowman - The Ronettes

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Day 14: Diamonds in the Snow, Sparkle

When I was younger, in my early college years, this song would always, always make me think of Matt, who had moved to Australia right after high school graduation. I had mentally changing the lyric to 24,000 miles. I didn't realize how much I missed him until I heard this song that first Christmas after he was gone. It nearly brought me to my knees, Chrissy's pleading, "I miss you..." Truer words, with truer sentiment, had never been sung.

We had a conversation one year, just before another Christmas, a dollar a minute trans-continental phone call, about how he wanted to be home to see it snow at Christmas again. He missed it, and he missed me. That was one of the years he sent a big Christmas package home, with presents in it for each one of us, and a note to read while we opened them. We were supposed to all get together and make fun of him and open them as a group; what happened was the letter made the rounds with each person's presents. It didn't matter to me which way it went. He wasn't there, and the ache got deeper and deeper with each passing day.

I wonder if he still misses the snow at Christmas time?

Bonus content: To make this song even MORE poignant, the Mighty Mighty Bosstones chose to cover it for this year's Hometown Throwdown, and released a video that is full of old time Norwood footage. I know some of the people in these scenes, and it brought me to tears the first time I watched it. Maybe the second, too. And it brought back how much I missed Matt once more, and how nice it would be to see him and play records and walk around the town in winter, just to be hanging out again. Dickie is forgiven all his sins for this one video...

Been gone, 2000 miles, is very far.
Outside the snow is falling down, gets colder day by day,
I miss you...

2000 Miles - The Pretenders

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A 365 to 40 Holiday, Day 13: I Looked To The Sky With Excited Eyes

It took me years to discover who actually sang this song. I would hear it on the radio and be mesmerized by it. Since it wasn't a hugely popular artist, it was always over shadowed by bigger names, with much less beautiful tunes. The imagery in this song is just stunning; "they said there'd be snow at Christmas", as if, somehow, they lied. Particularly when you get to the ending line: "The Christmas we get we deserve." Almost ominous, Scrooge-like.

But you could, and I do, interpret that somewhat like what the Beatles were saying when they said, "the love you take is equal to the love you make". And it's true. We make our own Christmas. We can rush around, and complain, and be disappointed, or we can count the blessings we have. Our family, our friends, a winter's light, and a distant choir. The peal of a bell and that Christmas tree smell.

So, slow down. Find a blessing today. Linger on it for a while.


I Believe In Father Christmas - Greg Lake

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A 365 to 40 Holiday, Day 12: Fall On Your Knees

The day after the Christmas party always needs something a little quieter. Plus, being Sunday, I thought a traditional religious carol would be appropriate.

This version is just so quietly beautiful and reverent. It's brought tears to my eyes more than once. Truth be told, I could say that about a lot of the songs I've chosen for this year's countdown, but this one really is just stunning in its simplicity. So, enjoy whatever quiet moment you have for yourself today. Remind yourself of the spirituality of this joyous time.

O Holy Night - Tracy Chapman

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A 365 to 40 Holiday, Day 11: Happy Ho-Ho-Ho To You!!

The star of my 2002 Christmas mix, this song is destined to become a classic. It rolls, it jives, it tells a great story, and I have not met anyone yet who isn't tapping their feet(at minimum) by the end. So, I find it the perfect mood setter for my second annual tree-trimming party tonight.

I was having a bit of a mental setback about the party last night, but I've gotten beyond it at this point. Sitting with my coffee right now, looking at the lights sparkle, enjoying my few minutes of nothing to do.

(It Must Have Been Ol')Santa Claus - Harry Connick, Jr.

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A 365 to 40 Holiday, Day 10: Fill Me Up With Love

Another favorite. This one sort of takes a side track into the whole Jesus story by the end, but it's still a Christmas song, to me. A gentle reminder of the spirituality of the season never hurts. I don't need to be beat about the head with it, but between this and Linus, I find time to reflect.

My sister Cat was a huge DMB fan for years and years, so this song always makes me think of her. Also, it's one of those Christmas songs that frequently, when I'm singing along in the car, makes me cry spontaneously.

"Father up above, why in all this hatred, do you fill me up with love...?"

Stunning.
The Christmas Song - Dave Matthews and Tim Reynolds

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A 365 to 40 Holiday, Day 9: I'll Be Fine and Dandy

I like Dolly more and more through the years, simply because she is who she is, she's proud of herself, and she makes no excuses. The string of "maybe I'll" statements in this song I've always looked at as centering statements; you make the emotional to-do list and then decide what you're ready for, realizing you'll be ok in a little bit.

This song came into my life sometime in my teens, when my grandmother in North Carolina sent her annual Christmas package. She always threw a few goodies in the box for immediate consumption, candy, whatnot. This particular year, Gramma sent a two-cd set of Christmas classic songs. Oh, and classics they were. Some clunkers, some gems, including this one. We all had a good shiver and weepy moment over this one. And my mother and sisters and I do love this one.

Hard Candy Christmas - Dolly Parton

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A 365 to 40 Holiday, Day 8: Let's Hope It's a Good One, Without Any Fear...

There are moments where it still amazes me that John Lennon has been dead quite literally a lifetime at this point--30 years. I'm surprised at how deeply it affects me, how deeply it's always affected me. I remember hearing the news when I was a little kid that he had been killed; I was only 8, but I knew the Beatles from my mother's record collection, and John was my favorite. I can remember being 8 years old and terribly sad.



Decades later, standing in Central Park, just beyond the intersection of Central Park West and 72nd street, with the Dakota behind me, I cried as the snow fell around me when I visited the Imagine Memorial for the first time. There was a lighted garland hanging from one of the balconies facing the park; I realized after I had left the city that it was John and Yoko's apartment. If ever a place was haunted, that piece of park, and further beyond, that doorway certainly is. It took me three passes just to get up the courage to walk by it, and even then, it was from the other side of the street. When finally I stood in the actual doorway where he died, a surge of anger flooded through me, and I wanted to scream. I rushed away, with my hands grabbing my hair, and every muscle in my back and neck tensing up. It's still uncomfortable to think about.

So this year, instead of channeling the pain, I wish to channel the message.

"Let's hope it's a good one, without any fear..."

Happy Christmas (War is Over) - John Lennon

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A 365 to 40 Holiday, Day 7: Olden Times and Ancient Rhymes, and Love and Dreams To Share

Today's song is special for all sorts of reasons. First and foremost, my sisters and I LOVE (not past tense, current) this special, and will still make every effort to watch it on TV. Yes, I own the DVD, but I won't watch it until I've seen it on the networks first. It makes it still "a special" that way. Peanuts is my sister Cat's favorite cartoon, and Linus is her favorite ever. So, this is all tied up in memories of being a kid, in our pjs with a special snack, sitting cross-legged in front of the tv, waiting for those ridiculous York Peppermint Patty commercials to be finished so we could get to the best part. "That's what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown."

In church, as we got older and a little more irreverent, we would throw our heads back like the Peanuts gang whenever we had to sing "Hark the Herald Angels Sing" at the close of Christmas Eve mass. I wrote a quiz for my sixth grade students one year, for extra credit points.

Everything about this song is special to me, an all time classic. It's posted today for two reasons: one, it's on Channel 5 (local ABC affiliate, check your own listings) tonight, so you know where I'll be at 8:00. Two, it's MJ's birthday today, and he requested this one for his birthday post. So, happy birthday, friend. Glad you're back to listen to yet another countdown.

Christmas Time is Here (vocal) - Vince Guaraldi Trio

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A 365 to 40 Holiday, Day 6: Until Then, We'll Have to Muddle Through Somehow...

I never knew just how truly poignant and melancholy this song was until last year, when I finally heard the song in the context of the movie, "Meet Me In St. Louis". Singing to friends and family who are literally far away, and Judy Garland's voice, sounding so small, and damaged; it finally just killed me. I always knew it was sad, but its power finally crystallized for me after seeing that film. Yes, there were tears.

And yes, last year, as I was having this revelation about this song, I was thinking of someone in particular. Someone with who we always seem to be muddling through just whatever it is we are to each other. Staring across the canyon of whatever it is we can't get ourselves around. Until then, until when. And when the full weight of those lyrics hit me, this song rocketed up my personal Christmas hit chart from nice little number to must-listen all-time favorite.

Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas - Judy Garland

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A 365 to 40 Holiday, Day 5: Oichne Huin

I love this carol. So many wonderful memories of the church I attended for so much of my life, and hearing our wonderful pastor, Father Bill, play this on his violin after communion. Never a dry eye. One year, he sang it as he entered the church, and, since he read and spoke seven different languages, chose a different language for each verse.

I heard this version in the middle 90s, and, loving all things Irish as I do, fell in love with it as well. Hearing so much Gaelic this summer only confirmed that for me. So, a carol to sum up the best part of my past, and my present. A beautiful thing.

Silent Night (Oichne Huin) - Enya

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A 365 to 40 Holiday, Day 4: If I Wasn't A Boy... ;)

I know many people consider "Christmas In Hollis" the more enjoyable of the Christmas rap songs, and indeed, it was groundbreaking. However, I like this little collection of all-stars, which starts with a shout out to the predecessor, and stays surprisingly relevant throughout. And darkly funny, too.

Santa Baby - Rev Run and The Christmas All-Stars

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A 365 to 40 Holiday, Day 3: Put Some Records On While I Pour

For many years, I worked at the Gap during the holiday season. The in-store music, at some point, would begin to wear on you, so it's sort of amazing that I still love Christmas music as much as I do. And I have some HATED carols; this isn't one of them. I first became aware of this song from one of those Gap in-store cd's.

This song is a naughty little number. It's not necessarily a "Christmas" song, as the only reference to holidays is that fact that Mr. Lothario is trying to get our damsel to stay in his likely swanky Central Park West apartment while a blizzard rages. It's a wonderful little sing-a-long number too, and I always did, standing back there in the denim wall, folding down a store that looked like a tornado ran through it, allowing myself the delusion that I have that sultry, smooth voice, and some fabulous black number on.

A perennial holiday classic, and one of my friend MJ's favorite songs. Put some records on while I pour, hon.

Baby, It's Cold Outside - Dean Martin and Doris Day

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A 365 to 40 Holiday, Day 2: It's Lovely Weather For a Sleigh Ride

I love an instrumental version of Sleigh Ride; admittedly, this is my favorite version. When I was in 9th grade band, our director challenged us with this piece, and for 14 year-olds, we did admirably. I can still remember Brian playing the horse neigh on his trumpet, flawlessly. She even borrowed a special percussion instrument to make the sound of the whip cracking, to make it the most authentic version we could play.

Definitely a little more cheery than yesterday, but today ended on a really good note. So, enjoy John Williams and the Boston Pops. I always do :)

A 365 to 40 Holiday, Day 1: Wish I Had A River

This year, it's all my best Christmas songs. The ones that make me weep, sing, sigh, laugh, dream, wish for something bigger, and feel blessed for what I have.

This song is one of the tunes that brought me to Joni Mitchell. This version is on the Indigo Girls' live album "1200 Curfews", and it has always just gone right through me, a shiver down my spine. "Wish I had a river I could skate away on..." Some years are just like that.

Although Joni's version is also excellent, Joni's version is like ice; this version is warmer, like the tears you cry even when you know the decision is right.

"I'm so hard to handle, I'm selfish, and I'm sad, and I lost the best baby that I ever had..."

First in my personal pantheon of Christmas songs. This one will make you sigh. Because, sometimes, Christmas isn't all putting up reindeer and singing songs of joy and peace.

River - Indigo Girls

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