This song has one of my favorite Husker Du references, along with Times Like These from the Foo Fighters.
Glad to be home, playing DJ, cheese and crackers and wine awaiting, Christopher en route. It's been a long trying day, and I need to sit down on the floor and listen to some records.
So, obviously, things are going really well in my life right now. Christopher (yes, his name; I'll keep his tag short though;) is wonderful, and he makes me dream. Big. I struggle, as always, with not shooting too far ahead of myself, but, I don't think I'm wrong this time. He is so positive, and so supportive, and so much fun. I feel like I've finally met someone who really understands what makes me tick. And, with his second masters, and busy job, and large circle of friends and close family, I don't have to convince him of the things that are important to me; he already knows.
To celebrate this, I changed my facebook status to "in a relationship" the other night, and I'm telling you, my friends were falling over themselves to "like" it, and comment on it. Generally running the, "it's about time!" or "you deserve to be happy finally!" gamut. Which makes me REALLY wonder how badly I'd been screwing up this love thing all these years. But, it was wonderful to read this outpouring of support from real-life friends and online friends, and even brand new friends Christopher has brought to me. And he, who was ambivalent about the status change before this, saw that love-fest, and decided to not only change his status, but name us as well. Which prompted another round of people falling over themselves to show us some love.
It makes me just want to thank everyone for being so supportive, not only now, when things are good, but for all these years of paying attention to when things weren't so good, and I tried really hard to hide it, soldier through it, make it all ok on my own. Sure, I loved being single much of the time; I loved the control I had over my life and my schedule, and I've taken on some really great things in my time alone. But you all know I had nights, and many of them, where I was lonely, and wanted a partner to share it all with me. And this is what I'm feeling is so different about Christopher and me; I don't feel that I'm giving up anything by welcoming him into my life. He's enhancing what's already good.
It was a hard rock weekend, for sure. Interesting conversation about the delineation between hard rock shows and metal shows, and how certain bands were classified.
Well, the Bruins never lit the lamp yesterday, so I never got to hear my favorite song. But, I did get to admire the statue commemorating one of the greatest Bruin goals ever, by one of the greatest Bruins ever, so, not a total wash ;)
(Day was not a wash by a long shot; it was tremendous from start to finish).
Tonight, the family gets involved in this joy fest I've been having. Taco night.
Taco night is joy, too. Hopefully, it just keeps rolling forward. I can't imagine that it won't, though. But, it wouldn't be me if I wasn't nervous, you know?
The very last song I will post about this particular person. I'm glad for his very recent success, and even more glad I'm not wasting any more of my time cheering it on.
My mother lost a good friend yesterday, suddenly, to a heart attack. It's not the first for her; several years ago, she lost two close friends, a married couple, within a year of each other to cancer. They were devastating losses for her, and whereas all deaths are hard, some shake you more than others. I know this because in my relatively short time here, I've buried four of my peers, and each one is a pain all to itself.
The first was Darren, when I was 19, a suicide by hanging. A friend from the neighborhood, he was dying of AIDS, and hung himself from the depression that a certain Boston hospital would not treat, as their policy at the time (1991) was to isolate patients with AIDS. I've written about him before.
The next was Peter, also from the neighborhood, a mere 7 years later. Work-related accident. A Gulf War veteran, he left behind a wife and a barely tw0 year-old girl. In 2009, the neighborhood buried his sisterRosemary, who died from a brain tumor. It's left me feeling slightly cursed.
The worst to bear was Andrew. One of my high school friends, so very near and dear to my heart; he took his life in 2003, which sent me into a period of darkness I struggled to emerge from. Andrew is with me every single day of my life; the year Grace was born, he was particularly "present" in the atmosphere. He seemed to be floating nearby, singing from the beyond and sending love in that boundless energetic way he always did. I see sun dogs in the sky from time to time, and I say hello to him, as he was the person who pointed out that phenomenon to me. The other night, C and I were sitting here in the living room, talking, and I was telling him this story, and Cat Stevens popped up on shuffle (The shuffle knows, always), and I laughed and actually told him to go away, I was busy. But he's there, one of the ghosts in my life. And whereas his death rocked me to my very core, knowing him, I understand that he would want me to keep living and breathing and feeling and loving every moment of my life, to its fullest capacity. So he sends me love in times of great hardship, and he sends me love in times of great joy.
The ones we love never really leave us when they go. They don't; I believe this fully. Just like this song, they are in my dreams, driving circles around me. And I wouldn't wish them away for anything.
(Technically, this song is for Friday, March 18, but, I was occupied very far away from my computer last night).
Two-fer today. First song is C's choice. At some point in our long and winding evening together, he admitted this Journey song had been stuck in his head all day, so I immediately declared it the song of the day.
Today's actual song is my choice, but it also fits the same narrative. As we wandered through Beacon Hill in the moonlight, and had pizza and wine at Figs, and returned here to let the rest of the night play out, the chorus to this song was running through my head. I will have to ask Liz if they played this the night we saw them; I know they played "The Flame", but I refuse ;)
It's cheesy 80's ballads fantastic over here right now. Don't you love it??
If I'm Buried 'Neath The Sod, Where The Angels Won't Receive Me
Keeping "Fairytale" out of this discussion, as that is a Christmas song, this may be my favorite Pogues song.
I want you all to remember to play this at the reception after my funeral. Seriously. This is how one should exit the world, boisterously, joyously, dancing and singing.
This photo is not of the celebrated fields from this song, but we did drive through them to get to this place, this thistle-strewn path to one of Ireland's sacred ruins, Clonmacnoise.It was not the first time the fields had entered my consciousness during my trip.
One night, out in the pubs, in a particularly raucous pub named Taaffe's, I was trying to wind my way through the shoulder to shoulder crowd near the band at the back of the room. As I neared the front of the stage, the band struck up this song. A slightly more traditional rendition, to be sure, but it made my heart soar. So I stayed right up front and sang along, loudly and boldly, to the chorus, along with most of the crowd around me. It was one of those moments, which struck me often, that just screamed, "You are really here, and your life is changing."
By the time I got back to my friends, I was giddy. A bar band in Galway, playing Irish rock and traditional tunes. A crowd that was equally tourist and local, as another afternoon in Taaffe's had me overhear two young men speaking to each other in Gaelic. But that night, hearing this song that I love, being with these new friends, being free to be myself, singing, and dancing badly, and laughing from the depths of my heart, that night was one of my life's best moments.
A terrific cover of a great Paul McCartney song, one of my favorites from the night I saw Sir Paul. My boys from Alabama covering this do not let me down.
It's been a frustrating evening, trying to collaborate remotely through technology, and not all players having the same access. Top that off with having to skip yoga tonight because I just have too much work to do this week (this post is a brief respite), and it's been a relatively unhappy evening. The tech issues seem to be subsiding now, and everyone's getting their project work finished and added to our presentation, but it was looking hairy.
Breathing now. Completing some job related work, waiting for the phone to ring.
Today was trying that is certain. It will be fine; I need to not worry so much. I have friends and allies trying to protect me from the insanity that circles around me. I also have joy, which sustains me, too.
It was hard to come up with a song tonight, but Alison's voice is always soothing, and the lyrics to this one have always grabbed me and held on tight.
Tonight, I will work, and there will be a phone call later, and it will all be alright. Just keep breathing, right? ;)
So, part two of the great iTunes sharing happened yesterday, with C plugging his external hard drive into my computer (and that honestly is NOT a metaphor for anything else) and letting me loose. In the conversations we had about some of my choices, we discovered we have the same favorite Aerosmith song. Well, we share this one. He has another of which the title escapes me. But, we share this one.
This is big, and getting bigger. He came to the school play with me last night. I had to be the administrator on duty, and was playing a tiny little between scenes cameo, so I invited him. He was happy to be there, and had a tremendous time. Able to entertain himself while I was off being "official", which is more important to me than you know. Well, some of you know. You're the ones I can hear clapping from all the way over here ;)
Sometimes, only the chorus of a song, and the groove of a song, is situationally appropriate. This is alright, though. Sometimes when you're trying to capture a feeling, a song will grab you and not let go.
I begin and end my days right now with conversation. At turns centering, stimulating, belly-laugh funny, serious, and tender. I haven't talked on the phone with someone I've cared about, this much, in a long time. Still at the stage where we have so much to talk about, these beginning and ending check-ins are easy. But important, too. And they became that way rapidly. C's going on another business trip this coming week, and will be gone until Friday, so these phone calls will be even more important.
These connections being formed continue to amaze and surprise me. Yesterday we spent half the day communicating about vacations together. I can't wait to find out where we're going.
Next week's distance will slow the horses a bit, and in a practical sense, that's good. Neither of us are looking to burn this out; we're both thinking longevity and sustainability. Like we're some green organization, that's a funny comparison. But true. And the horses are still running hard. They're beautiful, too.
Friday night, the ladies are coming over for a little ladies-only fun. Some wine, some snacks, some "accessories" to peruse. It's all good.
I always have fun at these nights. It's interesting to see who lets loose, and who stays buttoned up. For me, it's always a little let loose. Why not? Life is fun, meant to be lived. Sex is fun too, meant to be enjoyed. If you're not having fun (in either area), you're doing it wrong.
Enjoy your Friday night, all. :)
Hot Girls In Good Moods - Butch Walker and the Let's-Go-Out-Tonights
This was sent to me in a message Monday night after a pretty amazing evening. My dedication was yesterday's song; C's is today's.
We're laughing at our lackluster attempts to gut check the other and keep this from rushing forward like wild horses, but we sort of can't help it. Puppy love, infatuation, opening our eyes to something huge, whatever you want to call it, this is simply amazing for me.
There's been a marked increase in the amount of joy in my life recently. And it's a beautiful delicate thing happening right now. I'm experiencing it with this concurrent sense of wonder that after so much bullshit, something wonderful like this is happening to me. Now. When I am so busy, and pulled in so many directions, and yet, I'm finding moments all over the place in which to enjoy this, and be grateful for it. And I find this lyric is very much me right now.
I do it for the joy it brings, Because I am a joyful girl, Because the world owes me nothing, and we owe each other the world...
C and I went out again last night, and I'm still smiling, for a variety of reasons. One of which is his iPod.
We had gone to dinner, and the BU/NU hockey game, and had decided to go to Jillian's to shoot some pool. Well, I lasted about 30 seconds in there; too loud, too many meat-markety girls tottering in bad heels, too much bad remix pop/rap crap on the sound system. So C suggests another place, and we head back to his car to drive somewhere a little less "seen and be seen". We still wanted to be able to hear each other talk, after all.
Walking down Brookline Ave, I confess out loud that I have Bon Jovi's Bad Medicine stuck in my head. He laughs, and suggests there are worse songs to be stuck, but then decides I need a new one stuck there. So, as we get to his car, he says, "I can let you play with my iPod." And with a snarky little grin, "Oh, wait, the iPod? Too soon? Are we ready for this yet?" And I laughed, hard, and replied, "well, it depends on how many songs you have on there."
However, you've all met me, right? This is a woman with 8000+ in her iTunes, and someone who considers 5000+ the minimum standard. Music, and a variety of it, is extremely important to me. I spend inordinate amounts of time, and money, keeping current with my music collection, and still enjoy finding something new. I also see someone's music collection as a window into their head. iTunes could be the greatest single modern indicator of mental flexibility and cultural diversity out there, and an even better measure of compatibility. Too heavily weighted in certain genres is a red flag. So, hitting that click wheel for the first time produced a measure of anxiety in me that I had to beat back a little bit. Because, really, as I've always known, but recently been reminded of, it's not about the height, or mode of transport, or music collection, but about the person's character. However, C's iPod was a pleasant surprise. As varied as mine, with some interesting overlaps and diversions, and I happily played dj until we reached our next destination.
This song was one of my surprises. A classic, and a long-time favorite. And I heard him sigh, "ah, nice..." as it started to play, and noticed we were both singing along quietly as we drove through the Boston tunnels. Truthfully, I didn't care at that point where we were going any more; I could have stayed in his car, driving all night, playing dj, singing and smiling and holding hands until there weren't any more songs to play. And then, gone home for my iPod, to start all over again.
And As We Turned Left Out Of Galway, I Could Feel The Lump In My Throat
However, no lumps in my throat tonight; I'm meeting up with some of the Galway Girls to see the Saw Doctors at the House of Blues. Several of us saw them at Kelly's Pub in Galway while we were there. This should be a fun evening.
A few observations: With the exception of a university fight song, there seem to be no non-depressing songs about Nebraska. And, since this one details a 12-state killing spree, I'll stand by that theory.
Someone found this blog today by searching "adulterated evil" in Google. Love, love, love it.
I've never looked forward to a college hockey game more in my life. Saturday night's plans.
My new friend seems to be very good with the concept of pacing; this is an even better thing for my life right now.
There's A Thousand Shades of White, And A Thousand Shades of Black
This is the right decision, as reprehensible as this group may be. Because the same rights that protect them protect us, and if we abridge their right to speak, someday it is OUR right to speak that is abridged.
I've Seen A Million Faces, And I've Rocked Them All
But the most important face I'll ever rock is this one, right here:
My nephew turns 11 today (I can't believe it), and in honor of this momentous occasion, I am taking him to his first rock concert tonight. Ben and I will be fist pumping to Bon Jovi at the Gaaahhhden. I am the coolest aunt ever :)
"So I walk like I'm on a mission, 'cuz that's the way I groove. I've got more and more to do, I've got less and less to prove. It took me too long to realize that I don't take good pictures 'cuz I have the kind of beauty that moves..." Ani D.
