Norwood Beefcake, Episode 1

Lewis' Burger closeup
Originally uploaded by crau1971.

I know, the word "beefcake" conjures up images of men in low-cut leather pants, partially unzipped, lounging around on a... sorry, distracted there. Anyway, this is not that kind of beefcake (although if Brownie wants to come pose for a picture for me, bring it, hon). This is the first installment in a very unusual series I'm starting about my hometown.

Norwood, MA has an unusual number of bars and restaurants. Many of these local establishments have tried to "upscale" themselves in recent years, and bring in the family crowd. Each of these bars is known for something (other than the place Sully got into a fight with Jonesy and they both got arrested). These bars all have some sort of beef specialty as their claim to fame. So, like the "lifer" I am, I'm going to chronicle each and every one of these specialties, and maybe, declare a "Best Beefcake of Norwood" at the end. It's also possible that I'll be too drunk and/or constipated to declare a winner. You be the judge of that.

First up, Lewis'. For many years, Lewis' was one of those "unmentionable" places for reputable ladies of the 'Wood. Maybe it's the nudie oil paintings on the wall of the main bar, who knows? All I know is that, growing up, Lewis' was labelled "scary", and only certain people went there. In recent years, the owners have redefined the "back bar" of Lewis' from a divy sports-themed performance space, to a grill pub-like, upolstered booth, generic town bar and grille. Oh well. Maybe they're trying to reclaim the local lunch crowd. At any rate, Lewis', naturally, has a specialty. Well, a dual specialty. A "bucket" of beer, and the Lewis Burger, shown above.

The Lewis Burger, for all intents and purposes, is a heart attack on a bun. Take a look at the picture, and we'll start at the bottom. You have a medium rare cheeseburger, American cheese, of course, then a piece of white toast. On top of the white toast, you have lettuce, tomato, red onion, mayo, and EGG SALAD. That's right, egg salad, folks. Start popping the Lipitor and the Protonix now. Then, the top of the bun. Served with fries, naturally, and a big ole draft beer.

In true Norwood tradition, I had my first Lewis Burger at age 19. Yes, the drinking age in MA is 21. I could make the story less interesting, but I won't. Suffice to say, this burger is the most nasty and alternately satisfying burger you'll ever eat. Filling doesn't even BEGIN to describe the feeling you experience once you've finished this burger (if you can). That first squishy, warm, juicy bite has a million flavors going on, and the egg salad actually causes you to put the burger down and look at it in mild amusement. Strangely, the flavors all work together, with the egg salad bringing a mild sweetness. At the risk of sounding above its station, I'll reclassify thusly--Best.Cure.for.a.Hangover. Ever. Other than the traditional "hair of the dog that bit ya" . This burger is a Norwood legend, and if any of you are ever here in my hometown, you can bet your asses I'm taking you for one.

Stay tuned for further installments, where I dissect the differences between the 9000 varieties of steak tips served in this town (I'm only slightly exaggerating).