Midvale School for the Gifted Alumni Association

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

An Observation

Well, even though I'm still working out the quirks of the mobile blogging thing, I did manage to write down the idea for this post this afternoon, so that I wouldn't forget it. Of course, I left it in my bag, in my car, and I'm too lazy right now to go retrieve it, but the act of recording it on scrap paper has kept it in my brain.

Here's a thought, that has been banging around in my head recently. It's not directed at anything specific, or anyone specific, it's just a thought I've had.

In one of my favorite movies, Michael J. Fox makes an observation during a conversation about dating rituals. "I tell any girl I'm going out with that all plans are soft until she gets confirmation from me, 30 minutes prior." This line came to me today, after a conversation with my colleagues about dating. And I came to the realization that I don't think I've ever dated anyone who approaches that ritual in a "normal" fashion. Normal in the sense of, you go out once, you're interested enough to go out again. Maybe you kiss, maybe even you kiss a lot. You say you'd both like to see each other again. You make tentative plans. Maybe they're a week later, maybe almost two weeks. An occasional email in between, maybe a phone call, just to touch base, say hi, stay casual. This is how people date, I'm coming to learn. I've never done this. Every guy I've ever dated, we've gone from zero to attatched to the hip in fairly short order. Which is great, at first. Every little insecurity you have when you first start to get to know someone you might like to know better. Will he call? Is he thinking of me? Am I pretty enough? Well, in the past, all my insecurities have been instantly indulged, because his insecurities have come into play, and there have been lots of phone calls, two, three, four emails a day, EVERY DAY, between times we've been together. Oh, I've indulged in this bad behavior, too, and it's done nothing but set up unrealistic expectations, and ultimately, I burn out.

I've been single for over a year now, and I've been thinking about my patterns, and past behavior, and how I can not repeat them. Trying to learn how to date like most of the rest of the world, rather than some race to the finish. Mostly because I don't want to screw up when it happens again. Although, at this age, I should be in a rush, I don't feel like I am rushing to do anything. I just want to be in touch with me, and go at a pace I'm comfortable with, and enjoy the finding out part, over time, not in a weekend.

Just an observation really. Take it as you will. Talk amongst yourselves. Maybe I'm wrong, and there is no "normal" dating. But, I'd like to find out.

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Blogger yellojkt said...

I've been off the market for 25 years, so I'm no help to you. I am trying to figure things out by watching my son, but he plays his cards too close to the vest.

10:33 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Seems to me as though absolutely everything about dating has changed these days.

My daughter's school has very few social events (school plays, I mention school plays?), and NO dances other than Senior Prom. I remember having something almost every month when I was in HS.

The few dates I went on between moving to Baltimore and getting together with GF were just this side of small disasters, so I'm also probably not much help. But I did note an increase in the e-communication even if the relationship went no more than two dates.

11:33 PM  
Blogger Sully said...

A year...? Thats got to be a record for you.

4:09 PM  

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Midvale School For the Gifted

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    "So I walk like I'm on a mission, 'cuz that's the way I groove. I've got more and more to do, I've got less and less to prove. It took me too long to realize that I don't take good pictures 'cuz I have the kind of beauty that moves..." Ani D.
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