Trying to Evolve
Yesterday ran a gamut of emotions and interchanges between Christopher and I; joyous, annoyed, uncomfortable, sentimental, genuine caring and concern. And, as we talked about this on the trek home from Boston, I think this is how this relationship is going to be. We challenge each other in really important and wonderful ways. And when two very independent people, who are used to making their own way of it, come together in a partnership, there are going to be growing pains and sticky moments when one or the other asserts his/her independence.
Yesterday, it was him. And, it stung me initially, and I retreated into my old way of cold silence. But, he wouldn't let me brood, and in his typical gentle way, he helped me talk it out, and we found the middle ground. And then he later laughed as he said to me, "I'll bet you didn't think the first time we did this it would be ME asserting my independence, did you?" Oh, well, hell no ;)
But it's all good, and his willingness to communicate when things are happening, and bring it all up front and hash it out when it needs to be is really unbelievably good for me. For both of us, really, but specifically me. I have long made mountains out of molehills when glitches have come up in relationships, and allowed them to become bigger than they really were, because I've long had partners who were happy to not have to go toe-to-toe with me in a disagreement, or wait out my long struggle to process a situation and come to a solution. As Christopher noted, I don't like these uncomfortable decisions, but I attack them head-on and really wrestle with them. And he's completely correct in that regard; it takes me forever, with a fair amount of flapping and whining and stony silence, but I get there. What's different now is that I'm processing it all with someone who's willing, and not afraid, to wait it out and let me get there. Waiting (relatively) patiently for me as I try to evolve.
Evolve - Ani DiFranco