Will I Always Feel This Way?

Last night, Christopher and I were driving into the Sox game, and he was talking about a movie he had seen that had a great song associated with it. He thought it initially was Jason Isbell, but when he peeked at the credits, he saw it was Ray, and the song was this one.

Driving home from work today, I drove past a roadside memorial to a high school student killed in an accident last spring. There was a teenaged boy standing in front of memorial today, looking at all the items, touching parts of it, shuffling from one foot to another, all by himself. It caused me to wonder.

As we start the school year, those of us in education have varying amounts of stress, anxiety, and trepidation surrounding these beginnings, but, in thinking about this young man, our stresses are so minor compared to the anxiety of returning to class without that trusted friend beside you in history, the lunch table, the soccer field. I watched this young man for a few seconds and wondered how close he was to the youth who had been killed? Was he there having a conversation about preparations for school? Team tryouts? Talking about how to navigate the first crush? Or was he simply visiting out of curiosity, wondering what it was like for other kids he knew to have that hole in their lives?

I've buried four friends, one of whom I "talk" to every once in a while. He inserts himself into day to day life in beautiful ways, a song on the radio at just the right moment, sun dogs in the sky. We carry these people with us forever, and they live our moments of sadness and joy with us, even if they are no longer by our side. It's good to acknowledge their continued presence and support, and good to know, that no, you will not always feel this way. Someday that sadness will morph into something that brings you strength, and light in a dark moment.

Empty - Ray LaMontagne