Midvale School for the Gifted Alumni Association

Thursday, September 08, 2011

Yeah, He Does

This one's for Kevin...

My great mistake. Well, our great mistake. Young and foolhardy and more than a little smitten at first. By the time one of us took a breath, the rings were on our fingers and I wondered how the hell we got here.

I was a bitch, and deserved to be unforgiven, and was for a long time. Then, over a lot of whiskey and beer, at the end of the night in a club in Boston, we finally talked. What weeks of therapy, and long nights of screaming, and too many instances of betrayal never sorted out, a Bob Mould show did. And I was forgiven. A truly weird conversation, and one of the most freeing ones I've ever had. Plus, hearing him say, "You were right, you know,"? You can't make that stuff up, even if you try.

My father? Well, apparently he never liked Kevin. Such as it were. But even my sisters will agree, great guy, just not MY guy. And there's a huge difference.

This song came to me years later, but the moment I heard it, I heard Kevin singing it. The Truckers are amazing songwriters, and usually deal in vivid, almost graphic imagery in their lyrics, but in this song, it's all about the mood. That poignant realization, that soft and satisfied goodbye.

"Happiness for your big adventure,
See you, darlin', down the line..."

And that's how it's been since that weird night in 2003, calm, and cordial, and a big adventure once I was released.

People always ask if you could do it over, would you change things? It's a really dumb question. Even when you're doing phenomenally stupid and hurtful things, those make you what you are, and teach you lessons that allow you to grow. So, no, I wouldn't change it, as much as it hurt, and as awful as I acted. I know where the edge is now, and how to stay away from it.

Your Daddy Hates Me - The Drive-by Truckers

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Midvale School For the Gifted

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    "So I walk like I'm on a mission, 'cuz that's the way I groove. I've got more and more to do, I've got less and less to prove. It took me too long to realize that I don't take good pictures 'cuz I have the kind of beauty that moves..." Ani D.
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